Loading...

Resources

Resources

The wonderful thing about technology is that it can bring people together from all over the globe to make it easier for you to find information and support networks in your time of need. The following are some of the tools available to assist you in your healing journey. If you’re still having trouble locating helpful information or finding what you need, contact us to discuss other resources and find a personalized solution to support you on the road to recovery.

 

Bereavement & Healing

Our care and concern does not end with the funeral ceremony. We realize that hard times may follow, especially once family and friends have returned to their normal activities. Marge Banach, our Bereavement Support Coordinator, will call every family we serve to inquire about your well-being, and to answer questions you may have about coping with the many stresses you may be facing. She can offer information about supportive community services, support groups, retreats, finding a therapist and educational literature available here at our funeral home. Our grief resource library includes DVD’s and books for adults and children of all ages.

If you are concerned about other family or friends experiencing difficulty, upon your request, she will make contact with them. She also serves as a resource to the broader community and welcomes any questions you may have. Please contact her for more information or to make an appointment. There is no charge for this service.

Marge earned a B.A. in Human Development and Family Relations from the University of CT, a certificate from the Saint Francis Hospital Academy for Advanced Pastoral Training and graduate coursework in Theology.

Grief Share

GriefShare is a friendly, Christian-based, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone. GriefShare seminars and support groups are led by people who understand what you are going through and want to help. You’ll gain access to valuable GriefShare resources to help you recover from your loss and look forward to rebuilding your life.

Launch Site

Web Healing

Web Healing, the internet’s first interactive grief website, has served the bereaved on the net since 1995. It offers grief discussion boards where men and women can discuss issues related to grief and healing or browse recommended grief books. The site’s originator, Tom Golden, LCSW, is an internationally known psychotherapist, author, and speaker on the topic of healing from loss.

Launch Site

Alliance of Hope, for suicide loss survivors

The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors provides healing support for people coping with the shock, excruciating grief and complex emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide. We hope that you will find resources here to help you deal with, and eventually heal from, what may well be the worst pain you will ever feel.

Launch Site

The Compassionate Friends

Whether your family has had a child die (at any age, from any cause), or you are trying to help those who have gone through this life-altering experience, The Compassionate Friends exists to provide friendship, understanding, and hope to those going through the natural grieving process. Through a network of more than 625 chapters with locations in all fifty states, as well as Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico, The Compassionate Friends has been supporting bereaved families after the death of a child for four decades.

Launch Site

Helping Dispel 5 Common Myths About Grief


Helping Dispel 5 Common Myths About Grief


by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Our society continues to perpetuate a number of myths about grief and mourning. These myths may seem harmless, but I have found that they can quickly become hurdles to healing.

This article describes five of the most common myths about grief. I hope that this information will help you overcome these myths and better understand how to help yourself or others heal.


Myth #1: Grief and mourning are the same experience.

Most people tend to use the words grief and mourning interchangeably. However, there is an important distinction between them. We have learned that people move toward healing not by just grieving, but through mourning.

Simply stated, grief is the internal thoughts and feelings we experience when someone we love dies.Mourning, on the other hand, is taking the internal experience of grief and expressing it outside ourselves.

In reality, many people in our culture grieve, but they do not mourn. Instead of being encouraged to express their grief outwardly, they are often greeted with messages such as "carry on," "keep your chin up," and "keep busy." So, they end up grieving within themselves in isolation, instead of mourning outside of themselves in the presence of loving companions.


Myth #2: There is a predictable and orderly progression to the experience of grief.

Stage-like thinking about both dying and grief has been appealing to many people. Somehow the "stages of grief" have helped people make sense out of an experience that isn't as orderly and predictable as we would like it to be. If only it were so simple!

The concept of "stages" was popularized in 1969 with the publication of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' landmark text On Death and Dying. Kubler-Ross never intended for people to literally interpret her five "stages of dying." However, many people have done just that, not only with the process of dying, but with the processes of bereavement, grief, and mourning as well.

One such consequence is when people around the grieving person believe that he or she should be in "stage 2" or "stage 4" by now. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Each person's grief is uniquely his or her own. It is neither predictable nor orderly. Nor can its different dimensions be so easily categorized. We only get ourselves in trouble when we try to prescribe what the grief and mourning experiences of others should be-or when we try to fit our own grief into neat little boxes.


Myth #3: It is best to move away from grief and mourning instead of toward it.

Many grievers do not give themselves permission or receive permission from others to mourn. We live in a society that often encourages people to prematurely move away from their grief instead of toward it. Many people view grief as something to be overcome rather than experienced. The result is that many of us either grieve in isolation or attempt to run away from our grief.

People who continue to express their grief outwardly-to mourn-are often viewed as "weak," "crazy" or "self-pitying." The common message is "shape up and get on with your life." Refusing to allow tears, suffering in silence, and "being strong," are thought to be admirable behaviors. Many people in grief have internalized society's message that mourning should be done quietly, quickly, and efficiently.

Such messages encourage the repression of the griever's thoughts and feelings. The problem is that attempting to mask or move away from grief results in internal anxiety and confusion. With little, if any, social recognition of the normal pain of grief, people begin to think their thoughts and feelings are abnormal. "I think I'm going crazy," they often tell me.

They're not crazy, just grieving. And in order to heal they must move toward their grief through continued mourning, not away from it through repression and denial.


Myth #4: Tears expressing grief are only a sign of weakness.

Unfortunately, many people associate tears of grief with personal inadequacy and weakness. Crying on the part of the mourner often generates feelings of helplessness in friends, family, and caregivers.

Out of a wish to protect mourners from pain, friends and family may try to stop the tears. Comments such as, "Tears won't bring him back" and "He wouldn't want you to cry" discourage the expression of tears.

Yet crying is nature's way of releasing internal tension in the body and allows the mourner to communicate a need to be comforted. Crying makes people feel better, emotionally and physically.

Tears are not a sign of weakness. In fact, crying is an indication of the griever's willingness to do the "work of mourning."


Myth #5: The goal is to "get over" your grief.

We have all heard people ask, "Are you over it yet?" To think that we as human beings "get over" grief is ridiculous! We never "get over" our grief but instead become reconciled to it.

We do not resolve or recover from our grief. These terms suggest a total return to "normalcy" and yet in my personal, as well as professional, experience, we are all forever changed by the experience of grief. For the mourner to assume that life will be exactly as it was prior to the death is unrealistic and potentially damaging. Those people who think the goal is to "resolve" grief become destructive to the healing process.

Mourners do, however, learn to reconcile their grief. We learn to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without the physical presence of the person who has died. With reconciliation a renewed sense of energy and confidence, an ability to fully acknowledge the reality of the death, and the capacity to become re-involved with the activities of living. We also come to acknowledge that pain and grief are difficult-yet necessary-parts of life and living.

As the experience of reconciliation unfolds, we recognize that life will be different without the presence of the person who died. At first we realize this with our head, and later come to realize it with our heart. We also realize that reconciliation is a process, not an event. The sense of loss does not completely disappear yet softens and the intense pangs of grief become less frequent. Hope for a continued life emerges as we are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that one's own life can and will move forward


About the Author

Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical School's Department of Family Medicine. A father of three, Dr. Wolfelt has written many bestselling books for and about grieving children and teens, includingHealing Your Grieving Heart for Kids, Healing A Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers, and Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens. Visit www.centerforloss.com to learn more about helping children in grief and to order Dr. Wolfelt’s books.

© Duksa Family Funeral Home | Newington & New Britain, CT - Funeral Home Website Design By Frazer Consultants